Brother vs Brother, an epic battle

When Holidays come around, and family and friends come together, the best tool any host can have these days is simply one word: Wii

That's right, the shit talking that has gone on for over 24 years between my brother and I, when it comes to sports the shit hit its pinnacle last night... errr this morning..

Everyone is aware my older brother has kicked the crap out of me for years when it comes to most sports. He's taller, older, stronger, faster, quicker, smarter, etc etc... So times are tough for this young guy when it comes trying to compete with the Iraq War Hero..

Then last night happened.. Time of day close to midnight my brother and mother pull in to mi casa for the week.. My sister and I earlier that day went out and bought some Super Fresh Budweiser Products for the family..(That's what the Literature folks call "Foreshadowing")

Well needless to say my mom decides its really late, and she's off to bed, but my sister's still up for some boozin with her brothers. Then my brother decides its time to bust out the Wii, and get our games on.. First on tap was "Big Brain Academy" and needless to say, my Wii IQ is better and quicker then brother's... (A 3 game domination of him, he's cussing and ready to play Wii Golf)

So we move on to Wii Tennis, and it's just more of me giving him a thorough beat down.. So we move on to Wii Golf. (FINALLY, my brother's been claiming he can school me in this game, and I concur because I SUCK ROYALLY, at Wii Golf, its my kryptonite..)

Mind you we've been playing Wii and pounding beers for a three hours, yep it's 3am and I work at 7am..

I start getting the hang of Wii golf, and the shit talking is getting pretty serious, were busting out lines from way back when we were teens hustling each other for Subway food on the putting greens. Finally after about the 3rd round, I'm finally shooting somewhat close scores to him.

Enter the 4th 9-Hole Contest.... It's getting serious, and this time I'm not screwing around.. Brother's confidence is back up after dominating me for 3 rounds, when I seriously outclassed his ass in Tennis, Brain Buster, and Boxing (Forgot to talk about the 2 times I knocked his ass out)..

Moving on... This 9 hole contest should've aired on ESPN, as it would've made All-Time Greatest Golf Grudge Matches ever..

The First Hole I get off to a bad start and bogey, 2nd hole brother birdies, and I struggle to save par... I'm getting a little down, so I turn up the shit talking and see if I can knock my brother off his game like I can do so easily when playing REAL Golf..

Brother doesn't disappoint, and he double bogeys and I par the 3 hole! "What's that, you're 2 stroke lead is now nothing!? That's right bitch move the fuck over I've got honors."

So were both 1 over going into Hole 4, and I continue to barrage my brother with my ever so great shit talking.. He bogeys again on a "Pressure Cooker Putt".. And boogow's lips out, after he started his premature fist pump... I sink the par putt, and that puts him at 2 over, and me still holding strong at 1+.

Here comes that damn par 5 #5. Brodog birdies the bitch, and I continue on the Par Parade.. Shit talking picks up in his corner as were back to tied.. Then he goes and birdies #6 and I par, and then we both par #7.
Hole #8 is the worst par 3 ever!!!! It's like we go from 0mph winds to #8 and its 80mph winds on an island green that you use damn near a driver to make it over the water!!! I bogey, and brother pars!

I somehow went from being 2 strokes in the lead to now 2 strokes down entering the last hole.. I'm actually excited because its probably the closest I ever got to beating him the whole night.. So here it is the last hole.. Brother's shit talking, and might have been busting out Rick Flair "WWWWHHHHHOOOOOAAA's" like it wasn't 4:30am, and we weren't drunk...

Hole #9 is a Par 5 445 yards of pure pressure, and you can either play like David Simms in Tin Cup (Play like a pussy and don't go for it, play it safe protect your lead, "just make Par Roy"). So Brother has honors, and decides to lay up on the lower island, and not press his luck to try and make the green in 2... (At that point I was pulling out Tin Cup lyrics mixed in with some Baseketball lines. Mainly calling my brother a panzy.)

(Brother playing it safe)

So I'm down 2, and if you know me when it comes to golf, I ALWAYS GO FOR IT! Playing it safe is not even in my mind, I don't know the definition... I LET THE BIG DOG EAT!

Brother's next shot is a nice solid lay up... (Way to puss it up brodog, did you forget to clean the sand out of your vag?)

So I'm next, and it's a nice 219 yards to the pin..... With a crosswind of about 17mph.. I decide to pull a few pieces of carpet out of my floor to help me adjust for windage... Take my 3 practice swings (Yes, we had to set a limit of how many practice swings at one point, it was a gong show.) and I just give her smoke...

The ball is in flight, looking good, looking good.......

Ball lands just in front of the green then another hop, and then..

KER PLUNK!!!!! WWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

THE TV ERUPTS!!! : DOUBLE EAGLE!!!! DOUBLE EAGLE!!!!! CHIP IN!!!

My brother's gigantic mouth drops to the floor, a silence becomes us!!!!

I stop to really think???? "DID THAT JUST HAPPEN??"

Yes, yes it did!!!! After about 5 seconds of nothing we both start uttering something I don't really recall....

All I know is that brother just had a 2 stroke lead disappear, and is now down a stroke!
He hits his 3rd on the green, and misses his birdie putt!

ITS ALL OVER FOLKS!!!!!!!

Happy Tin Brett HAS DONE IT!!! Happy Gilmore ain't got shit on me!! Tin Cup, who's he???

(Here's the proof, and yes that really is a 2!)


After that round, we both pretty much blacked out, but I do recall we ended up bowling, and playing Baseball. (I won in bowling, and we tied in baseball)

Well everyone it's the holiday's so in lieu of that I'm sure there will be more to come...